Child,
I remember being a hero one night in southern Thailand. Your Mom and I were standing in a dense crowd on New Year's Eve. A paper mache Osama bin Lauden had just pranced past. The sky over our head was alive with sparkles and fire, gunpowder and singed paper raining down on our heads from the fireworks display. The explosions echoed off the skyscrapers and made our bellies rumble.
Your Pa thought he'd died and gone to an over-stimulated heaven; your Mom just thought she died. She tugged on my shirt and looked gray as a ghost.
It was easy fix. I gathered her behind me and lunged through the crowd, pushing a wave of people ahead of us like a fierce little barge. And after two minutes in the clear air past the crowds, your Mom was fine.
Perhaps I am a hero of little problems, but it's good to feel useful. Sometimes when I think about the coming event of your delivery, I get kinda freaked out. I'm afraid of how helpless I will feel, watching your Mom in such pain.
I know that labor is an incredibly natural part of the process and all that. I know your Mom has the strength and will to manage the pain and fatigue. I know that her hurt will be paid for one thousand times over with the great prize of you. I know that I can be supportive and truly “be there” for her during this amazing moment. I know that I'm not supposed to be able to stop the pain or make it all go away. I know that's ridiculous and unreasonable to wish for. But I can't help it. I just want to be able to help or ease her mind when she's feeling bad. It makes me crazy to sit by, useless.
I will try to help, but I have already been told not to take it personally when it doesn't work.
If all I can be is a witness, I will be the best witness that ever was. I will recall every detail and treasure every moment and keep it safe for all time. If you ever ask, you will hear the story in heroic detail. Actually, you'll probably hear it whether you ask or not; I'm like that with stories. But that's a way I can contribute to the moment, and maybe even be useful.
See you soon,
pa-
Welcome Abraham! Your arrival changes so many things! This world of ours is now a much better place since you are here. This record that your dad has created will someday give you a far more intimate and marvelous look at your parents and their love for each other and their preparations for your birth than most of us ever have. Congradulations Kristin and Marc Christopher and welcome again Abraham. love to you all, new grand pa mark.